You and I have been through a lot. I remember the joy I felt when I discovered I was pregnant, despite the circumstances, it was a miracle!

But then I had to live in the circumstances. I did not follow the Lord's ways. Please know the joy I felt about being your mother now and forever.

How sorry I felt that you were with me through the arguments about your life and physical abuse that occurred from your father. It seemed evil just took over us. I could not bear the beatings and rejection.

Precious, you have taught me more about love and forgiveness than anyone else except the Lord.

I was able to forgive your father and pray for his healing and that he would come to know the Lord...what a blessing forgiveness is and what a blessing you are!

It was hard to forgive myself. I failed miserably, like St. Peter. Oh, how the Lord convicted me. Oh, how I felt the utter failure in my heart. I failed with men, with you, and with God. I think your death has been my greatest failure. I have failed and denied God's ways. Yet God whispers to me. He calls me His precious child. He will break me out of the darkness and destroy the Evil One's victory. He will shatter the ice off my branches and break forth new life. He will bring purpose out of the darkness of this winter season of my life.

And my Precious Child, I know you are with the Lord. It is glorious there where you are surrounded by His great love. I can forgive myself now, knowing that Jesus forgives me and someday I will be home with you and the Lord.