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Assist@AssistCPC.org

Made New

As I grew up, I was a youth leader at church and was willing to take a strong stand in my school for what I believed. I had lots of affirmation from adults for being so "good" and "smart."

I chose a Christian college and a major in Supporting Church Ministries (a fairly broad liberal arts degree which was ideal for a pastor's wife). That's what I thought God wanted for me - to marry a pastor and be the gifted wife. College came and went. I graduated with no future pastors beating down my door. I was quite disillusioned, not knowing what God wanted for me.

I had not really prepared myself for a career. I took a skills and aptitudes test which showed that my math and philosophy background would probably make me a good computer programmer. The government offered a four-year program with training and automatic promotions. As far as I know, that was the only year the government offered such an intern program.

I was fortunate to be able to get a government job in my home town. I lived at home to save up money for a few months, then moved out on my own. I was still really involved in my home church, now as a youth sponsor and retreat leader. I kept my eyes open for "Mr. Perfect." He never showed up.

After two years of internship, I decided to spread my wings and fly away. I could transfer anywhere in the United States where the Defense Department had programmers. I looked from coast to coast, seeking the best opportunity. The Coast Guard offered me an automatic promotion higher than anywhere else, so I came to Washington, D.C. I had interviewed over the phone, so driving into the area was truly discovering a new world. I knew no one.

In the loneliness that followed, I found I could "remake" myself. No one had any expectations for me outside of work. I started drinking. The more successful I got professionally, the farther I wandered from God. I still had my dream of a perfect husband, but he seemed far away.

On my 27th birthday, I decided God had forsaken me. He wasn't going to give me what I wanted - a husband. I was tired of waiting. Very quickly, I began a downward spiral of sexual experimentation. For two years, I was like the prodigal son spending my money in a far country. Like him, I was left empty.

I knew God wanted me to live differently. I searched out fellowship with Christian singles groups. Almost immediately I was introduced to a man who was very different. He was a new Christian and had a freshness in his faith that attracted me. He was financially secure and from my home state. It seemed that God was giving me the gift I no longer deserved.

We were soon married. What a joy it was to have God's forgiveness and blessing as we founded our Christian home. My heart was so full. I sang at our wedding, presenting myself to God and to my husband.

Even though my sin is confessed and forgiven and the lifestyle left, I have suffered consequences. I had acquired a sexually transmitted disease that is not curable. I literally bear in my body the scars of my former lifestyle.

God is gracious. I have a wonderful, loving husband and beautiful children. I know who I am in God's sight. I am forgiven and I am of great value. I feel a strong pull to minister to young women who are in lifestyles which put them at risk. I desire them to find God's forgiving open arms, as I did, and have the power if Jesus to be made anew.