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Sarah's Story

Though I was born into a family of faith, educated my whole life in faith-based schools, covered and protected by the incessant prayers of my mother and grandmother, my family was devastated by the powerful effects of alcoholism. At the age of nine, I was a latchkey kid of a deadbeat dad and living with the consequences of divorce, abuse, and poverty.

The ways I chose to cope were equally destructive. I rebelled against my mother's authority, became promiscuous, addicted to cigarettes, and other substances that 'medicated' the pain in my life. On the outside, I portrayed a straight-A student, achieving, winning awards, and popular; on the inside I was full of self-loathing. The internal self-loathing and the external excesses culminated in a less than ideal marriage right after college graduation. One month after my church wedding, I was pregnant.

My husband and those closest to me confirmed my worse fear -- I was not "ready" to be a mother. My motivation for abortion was fear, doubt of God's provision, and total terror at the responsibility of parenting. Within 24 hours of a positive pregnancy test, I became the mother of a dead child as I went through the most physically painful event of my life.

At that point I believed in God, but I was certain now that I was beyond all forgivness and totally unlovable. When the marriage ended five years later, I reached out to God and surrendered. The misery of my compulsions was lifted and, one day at a time, I received grace to heal physically, spiritually, and emotionally. But the pain of my abortion grew worse and ten years after that tragic decision, I finally broke down.

My best friend had her firstborn child named Grace. When I held Grace at 24 hours old, my heart of stone broke open. I reached out to the Post-Abortion Ministry of Assist CPC. Through the Bible study, the Word of God healed the pain that no human effort had been able to reach.

In July of 1992, at the memorial service for the child I named Joy, I surrendered anew and received the Lord into my heart, and vowed I would follow and obey Him always and in all ways.

What an adventure the Lord had planned for me. In 1993, I became the Director of a pregnancy center -- knowing that I was not ready -- but willing and I knew that God was able. His work in me, through me, and sometimes in spite of me was precious. The glory of seeing children, women, men, and families born and born again is awesome.

The redeemed years since then have brought healing in my family -- with my mother, father, and sister. Though my family tree has been cut down by abortion, the next generation stopped, we are all bold to accept God's call and burden to share the truth about abortion and the hope of healing available through God's people. I have personally introduced 14 women to the post-abortion ministry, invited six couples to healing (with four of them now themselves post-abortion counselors). I've held eight little babies born into life because their parents accepted the Lord's healing grace. I've met children conceived in rape born perfectly healthy to drug-addicted mothers. I've shared the Lord's transforming power with 74-year-old great grandmothers grieving over decades of buried pain. And I've shared with 11-year-olds the promise of purity and doing life and sex God's way. I think of myself today as Pro-Faith rather than Pro-Life and I ask the Lord daily to keep me ready to choose Love, and he does.

My joy today is faith and obedience to His will and His decisions for my life. Once in heaven, my mother and grandmother's prayers answered, we will be family -- with JOY.

--A friend of Assist